| WSC ... it's a celebration bitches |
[Dec. 24th, 2006|11:33 pm] |
Remember, remember the 21st of December
of beer keg parties and the lot
I find no reason why this season
should ever be forgot
Okay, so this is mostly for you folks teaching in China, as these photos were taken with you specifically in mind ... But I figured I'd post them here for everyone to see who weren't there. So as y'all know, there was no kegger this year ... Instead, everyone congregated at the Foggy Dew, the usual shenanigans ensued, beer was served ... good times were had! I'll apologize in advance for the occasional tilting of the heads as you view these pics, but I don't have photoshop and I'm lazy. And I'll also apologize for the movie link(s) as our photographer / cameraman was very drunk.
DON'T CLICK THIS LINK IF YOU DON'T WANT TO BE SPAMMED WITH 50+ PICS OF DRUNKEN RICHMOND FOLK ...
( Winter Solstice Celebration )
It was a fun night ... Wish you guys could have been with us. Adam, on second thought, I LOVE the Equinox and Summer Solstice kegger ideas! And we'll have one as soon as you come back in June! I'll save you guys the sentimental stuff and just say that you guys are missed and wish you both had a wonderful Christmas there. Take care and shower daily!
Your friends,
The Richmond Kids |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 30th, 2006|01:56 am] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Plain White T's - Hey There Delilah | ] |
I've made a couple posts recently that I decided to delete the day after ... just for the sake of saving y'all from the innane dribble from a drunk and high shadebeyond. And even though I thought the point I was making at the time was poignant, I was embarrased to see the post entered the next morning. I'm drunk and high now ... but ... I won't go into philosophical debates or turn myself on emo mode this time (like the last). Just checking in to let y'all know how I am and what I'm up to ...
I'm living, whatever that means. It's certainly a different life from what I'm used to, but I go on nonetheless. I'm appreciating my friends a lot more now that I have a ton of time to spend with them. I've cancelled my World of Warcraft account (yes, Shaedyn is dead ... until expansion). I'm working out, albeit in a very cheap and ghetto way, whenever I'm not at the pub. I've reduced my smoking to during and after sex, drugs and alcohol (although, I've been drinkin' and doin' blow almost every day, but still an improvement from what I've been smoking). I cook whenever I get the opportunity ... and have been told I make a killer stir-fry. I'm reading a bit more ... which is a big fucking deal, since I haven't picked up a book since Neil Gaiman's Neverwhere that I read 3 years ago. I plan to pick up rollerblading, which I'm embarrased to say that I'm not very good at, and I'm striving to start learning to play the guitar at least by the end of the year.
And despite being self inspired and empowering oneself, which I am proud of in a way considering my history ... I can't seem to make myself happy and content at the end of the night.
I can't escape who I am.
I need an external inspiration for self improvement. Heaven knows I don't do important things for myself ... |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 20th, 2006|10:30 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  content | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Sia - Breathe Me | ] |
I ... am so out of shape. An hour of at-home (ghetto) work out has me beat. My arms feel like jello right now ... and I love it. I tend to do things in phases, but I hope this recent urge to improve physical strength continues for a while. It's a good reminder that this ol' body is still alive ... a nice change of pace from sitting around the computer staring at Shaedyn's ugly mug.
Fell asleep last night listening to Enigma V (the one that's bloody write protected so you can't copy it onto a computer). I miss sleeping to soothing tunes. Just got my stereo back after some hiatus and I dug up a couple of old Solitudes CDs (the soft instrumental music with nature backdrops) and yeah, I'll be the first to admit that it's very, VERY "ghey" ... but I've always loved that shit.
Inner peace. Yep. Gotta get me some of that.
I need to jazzy up my room some. It's lookin' much too bare. It'll start with a good bed ... this sleeping on a mattress on the floor shit has got to go. Also need some new prints that I can frame (eventually). Any suggestions? Aside from Dhali *cough* Ashley *cough*. |
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| Keyword: Empower |
[Mar. 13th, 2006|06:13 pm] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | 10 Years - Wasteland (acoustic) | ] |
I just have to say that one of my bosses, Doug (part owner of the store) is such an awesome guy. He's a man's man type, married with kids, gruff, tough but still a good man. Think Todd Bertuzzi as a close comparison sans the Steve Moore incident. He commands such respect and one can't help but to feed off the strength and confidence he emits. As a matter of fact, I attribute a lot of my growing up process to him (I've been in the company for 5 years, 4 of them working for him directly). When I first started though, he only thought of me as a young brat, constantly flaking off work and what not. But he shaped me up with a "suck it up, princess" type of attitude ... and suck it up I did. Ultimately we got along very well after that.
In the past year or so we've delved into deep and pretty meaningful conversations about family, religion and life in general. I've told him quite a lot of my own ... perhaps even more than some of my friends. Just recently, he received news that his father is dying of cancer. I could empathize right away as my dad passed away from the same thing when I was eighteen, so we had a lot to share with one another with this common ground. His father's passing is imminent and can happen at any time now and he told me that yesterday, he and his entire extended family from across Canada came to town to celebrate the life of his dad before he passed on, in his dad's presence (there's a name for this sort of event, but I've forgotten ... something of a pre-funeral). And a celebration it was ... as Doug described it as "emotionally empowering". I just thought this was so stunningly courageous and wonderful ... and I can only imagine what vast arrays of emotion he must have been feeling. I was a bit shocked and in awe that he and his family was able to take very positive things out of a tragedy that they have no control over, let alone celebrate it. I've heard of this event before, but I can only wonder what his empowerment in such a situation would feel like.
Great man. Stand-up man. I have nothing but respect for the guy.
/salute |
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| Getting away with ... |
[Mar. 12th, 2006|06:18 pm] |
Everyone complains about their job. Heaven knows I do sometimes. Though days like these I really appreciate the security of my position, and that does count for something in the end. I'm absolutely relishing the fact that I can pretty much get away with murder.
I don't make much at all, but enough to get through life with a little luxury, and occasionally defile myself in legal and illegal ways. Do I wish I make more, sure I do. But it's not the money that keeps me there, it's the amount of control I hold over that place and my importance to that company. Especially now that after a few people have been laid off and a significant amount of high seniority folk have quit or retired. I wouldn't claim to be a control freak, in fact it would be far from true. But managerial power does definitely feel good to have. It just feels nice when you're needed ...
I am Jack's circulatory and nervous systems.
There's a young mandarin fellow that recently was hired on and was put in my department. I met him a few times already and what scares me is how much he reminded me of ... me, when I started there about the same age as he. I'm basically to take him under my wing so to speak and teach him the ropes. He basically made me realize how much I've changed since I began working there. Change is inevitable I suppose, but it did make me feel guilty for going from eager and helpful, to knowledgable but pompous. I'm one of those guys that would throw subtle mockery at you when you've told me you've used a non acrylic eggshell paint on door trims ... or put up standard 1/2" drywalling in the bathroom. Yeah, I'm a hardware store asshole, I admit it ... and my pupil will join me on the dark side.
Seriously though ... I'm bling. |
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| Courage ... |
[Mar. 5th, 2006|01:56 pm] |
In a recent trip to visit some old friends, one friend (Adam) described me as being "tenacious" ... in that whatever the physical confrontation, however large or small the challenge, I would never stop ...
Call it silly if you will, but ever since I was a small boy, I have wanted to be a hero. And even today, as I watch the Lord of the Rings, few scenes remind me of my desperate need to save, to uphold, and to endure. In the relative peace of western civilization, there are little chances for true courage to unfold. There is no great darkness nor evil minions to slay. So in whatever little conflict to which I am engaged, I give my all. I must be honest in that I really have little physical strength since I weigh but 145lbs. I have fought people near twice my size, twice my ability ... and though I was hurt greatly afterwards, ... I never yielded. I never laid down. Courage drives me, and my desire to prove to myself (and no other) that I am indeed, brave. It is this reason why I am "tenacious".
One scene in the Fellowship of the Ring affects me greatly. Boromir, in all his flaws of humanity shown in his character, courage follows him still in battle, and death. Taking arrows to his chest and yet still battling on for his friends, for his kingdom, for his beliefs. It is this courage that I admire. It is this courage that still makes me cry when I witness it. It is this kind of courage that drives me to continue to prove my worth at every opportunity. I grew up on heroes like Batman and Boromir, and though I do not deny the childishness of it, I still cannot deny their influences on me ... and my wanting to be like them.
Courage in the face of dire adversity. That is where my true strength lies. |
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| My name is ... |
[Mar. 3rd, 2006|01:33 am] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Korn - Another Brick in the Wall (cover) | ] |
So ... here we are again, still trapped between the civility of conversation and the articulation of poetry. Recent events has stirred me from my slumber and I post here in hopes I may agitate some answers to some of my difficult questions.
For a couple years I've found myself drudging through life, unable (or unwilling) to feel the emotions which was the mainstay of my livelihood. My apathetic nature created a laziness in me that I have not yet been able to shake completely. I was blind to everything around me ... including the efforts of those closest around me to keep me afloat. "Always mind your surroundings", said Liam Neeson, but I did no such thing and my sloth affected some of my friends and the bond I held with them. Once I came to the startling realization of what I had done, I immediately started to try to repair the bridges I had burnt. Some relationships have been repaired to the same intensity as we shared before ... others will never be the same. I have never been the type of person that can do things for themselves. Though I have done much that has benefitted me in the end, I have never been my own catalyst for change. And though I've begun to climb out of my hole, it is to my friends, my non-blood related family I owe to this change ... To feel, to experience, to hurt once more.
Despite this revelation, I was still unable to feel absolute love, thus I was still ... incomplete. To be who I really am there MUST be love. Love complete, love genuine, and love without a shadow of a doubt ... I have found that once again, and just as quickly, I feel whole once more. This didn't come without a price however. The friendship from which my love had sprung, was hindered somewhat. The open and "frank" nature of our relationship was set back to salvage feelings of "what could never be". Though I yearned more than anything to feel love, I was ill prepared for the prospect of rejection and the emotional backlash that was inevitably to come with it. It seems my absence from emotion has made me all the more susceptible and vulnerable to it.
I've had nothing but time to think about this (because well, that's what I do). And the more I think, the more appreciation I have for this person. Despite it all, she has been nothing shy of magnificent. She is truly one of the most wonderfully beautiful individuals I've encountered. I'd be lying if I claimed that our looming future is what I hoped it would be. But too long have I wondered "what could have been" in sacrifice of "what I have now". It's time for change. And I am grateful to call her friend ... family.
Some close friends of mine have recently engaged. Though I am really happy for the both of them, I am left in a deep contemplation for my future. The uncertainty and the ensuing loneliness frightens me. The questions and doubts will unmistakeably haunt me ... It's time for change. I can't once again compare my present, or my future to my past failings. Whatever comes my way, I will face them. I'm sure I will cry, I will rage and I will come forth scathed and scarred. But as someone once said, scar tissue is stronger than skin ... And so I will be.
My name is Frank. I can do anything ... everything. |
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| Annual Traditions ... with purpose |
[Dec. 26th, 2005|01:26 am] |
So for the most part, the Winter Solstice Kegger was a hit, as it usually is every year. Yes, there was unnecessary drama, and yes I ended my night shattering my hand against a wall ... but from the sounds of everyone at the gathering, I accomplished what I set out to do ... Which was to gather good friends together in the same place, which doesn't happen very often at all anymore, and just enjoying eachothers' company in private drunkeness. After WSK, friends of old will scatter, going back to whatever life they've been living without much contact to myself or a few other of my friends. It's inevitable for people to go on with their lives. But I hope this is one annual tradition I can uphold for a long time to come. WSK is about more than just the beer and the party. For myself, it's for the feeling of geniune harmony to see the friends you treat as family come together. It's my version of Christmas without the commercialism or the religious implications. That's the spirit of WSK.
Okay fine, a bit dramatic ...
I read an article of news in the local paper about a girl in town devoting her time to co-found a non-profit organization to bring nutritional information and food to a village in Sri Lanka. She is but 22 years of age. People say a picture is worth a thousand words ... and this could not be more true about her picture in the newspaper. A very modest girl with beaming brown eyes with sensible yet captivating brunette hair. Her compassion was painted on her face by Da Vinci himself, and from her image, I had a clear sight of this girl's capacity for love. In the article, it stated she was vacationing in said village in Sri Lanka, when one day on the beach, a disabled village boy was so taken to her that he gave her a big hug and drew her a heart in the sands of the beach. The catch being the boy had no arms after he was injured tripping over a landmine in a once war-torn area. The heart he drew, he drew with his stump. The girl cried for days thinking of this boy and the very hospitible people of the village as she then found her purpose in life.
"People need dramatic examples to shake them out of apathy" to quote my favourite movie and this is true of the girl in the article. However, I would like to think of myself as one who could be beyond that. Someone who is smart enough to find my purpose in life without a dramatic example. This article did inspire me though. I have a great capacity for love and compassion but it has really only been limited to those who are closest to me. I believe my purpose in life is a grand one. I believe that I am here to touch a lot of people, and help to set them on a path of something greater than themselves. This is my goal because it is greater than myself. All I need is a cause. There is much I care for ... but I wish to find on my own, a cause I care deepest for and devote my energies to that single purpose. Once I find that cause, and once my hand heals, I will have begun volunteer work hopefully and let my life begin again ... with purpose. |
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| Disappointed ... |
[Sep. 17th, 2005|02:44 pm] |
That's it ... I've given up. My lips are scorching hotter than the sahara and, for the first time in a thousand millenia, I've succomb to the need for chap stick. Unfortunately, no one at work has chap stick ... nor do we sell it.
Instead, I've stooped as low as using Chris' moisturizer.
I feel so ... impotent. |
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| My Sundown |
[Aug. 2nd, 2005|09:14 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | grateful | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | My Sundown - Jimmy Eat World | ] |
As I walked home from work, I stared up at the untainted sky. I could only be in awe of what layed above me. The sky was mixed with a shade of navy blue, transcending the soft, dying red. It seemed as though the night held daylight's hand and gently lulled him to rest. And as daylight faded away, I observed a dark red scar deep within the navy blue borders of the night sky, leaving its hopes and dreams upon the night for however long it would remain. I listened to My Sundown by Jimmy Eat World and couldn't help but to be empowered by my own sundown.
Good good-bye, I'll be fine ... good good-bye, good good night. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 15th, 2005|02:46 am] |
WOW ... that's all I have to say ...
Batman Begins has more than made up for its two previous blunders ... and has surpassed the first two masterpieces created by genius Tim Burton.
Forget everything you know about Batman ... this portrayal is the exact depiction of the dark knight I have always dreamed. I'm actually speechless. I don't know where to begin to comment on the movie. It's just ... wow. The trailer doesn't do the movie justice for the amount of depth and character involved.
Best Batman ever! ... Instantly in my top 5 favourite movies.
WOW.
=O |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 11th, 2005|05:37 pm] |
I had a wicked dream last night ...
I was an advisor of sorts to David Boreanaz (spell check, Angel from Buffy the Vampire Slayer). It was a dream so I instinctively knew it was about David and not Angel. We drove around town trying to solve a murder that he kept having re-occuring nightmares about. I wish I wrote down the details of the dream cuz I can't remember that much about it now ... All I remember is that when we finally found the bodies of the murder victims (2 police officers), he pulled the car over and proceeded to puke.
I just thought to share that with y'all ... it's been so long since I've had a dream about anything. I'm quite excited. |
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| The Dark Knight cometh! |
[May. 13th, 2005|01:07 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | ecstatic | ] |
For those of you who missed it or haven't seen it yet ...
http://www.apple.com/trailers/wb/batman_begins/trailer4/
I can't tell you how long I have waited for another GOOD Batman movie since the franchise flopped after that knob of a director, Joel Schumacher sullied Tim Burton's legacy. Not since 92's Batman Returns has my dark knight generated so much excitement! Everything was so very wrong with 95's Batman Forever and 98's Batman and Robin ... Gotham City sacrificed its dark, melancholic mood for a bright neon abomination of an environment, the villians lost their dramatic flair for an attempt at slapstick (which I felt only Jim Carrey, The Riddler, pulled off). The politics within the story became less believable and became more like high school drama at lunch hour ... And the #1 reason the last two Batman movies were so very wrong ... 3 words ... George FUCKING Clooney! OMFG! The script was terrible, the acting was horrific ... Simply put, the last two movies weren't Batman.
So far, it looks as though the execs are doing everything right for Batman Begins. What better way to continue Batman's story by going to his roots. The cast looks awesome on paper ... no big Hollywood names, but you can tell they hired the big guns to bring back the dramatic flair to this movie and add a sense of humanity. Liam Neeson, Morgan Freeman, Michael Caine ... No strangers to action blockbusters, but they're gonna be absolutely essential to the all important supporting role.
This is gonna be a good one folks! I know I'm gonna love it to death. As far as I'm concerned, it has been 13 years since the last Batman flick and it's gonna be bigger than anything (even Star Wars, there I've said it). Psyche yourselves up for when I'll ask you to see it with me over and over and over again!
- He's here!
- Who?
- The BAT man! |
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| Link |
[Apr. 13th, 2005|10:39 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | Meh | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Gorillaz - Clint Eastwood | ] |
http://spaces.msn.com/members/shadebeyond/
Looks like LiveJournal is getting shafted by a competitor with a new, pretty look and idiot-proof interface. It's actually pretty neat ... I'm a moron when it comes to Java or Javascript thingies, so I'm really liking the idiot proof function on this thing.
(Insert shameless promotion here)
This comes free when you download MSN Messenger 7.0 ... check it. |
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| Night Owl |
[Mar. 15th, 2005|09:17 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  accomplished | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Alexisonfire - Pulmonary Archery | ] |
Without making it sound like I'm glorifying myself as a creature of the night too much, I do claim to have more energy during the night. I worked the niner today (12:30 - 9) and I found myself exhausted and drained (staying up the previous night until 6am playing video games probably contributed, but I've made peace with that). It doesn't matter how much or how little sleep I get, I just can't seem to pick myself up during the day and be inspired to do anything. 6 o' clock rolls around and all of a sudden, I'm the employee of the year. It's not one of those "I think, therefore I am" type of placebo effects I've placed on myself ... at least, I don't think so.
It's nice to finally reach the point at work when my superiors asks me for advice instead of giving me orders. It's neat to be able to leave work thinking "yay, people listen to me". I have been working my ass off though, and no matter how trivial it is, being recongnized for the work certainly is gratifying. Having said that, I feel my "people skills" departing me in a slow decline. When customers or staff asks me to translate for them, I often just reply with "I don't speak chinese" now followed by a sinister glare (I'm pretty good at those and if often does the trick). I'm a bit more short tempered than I used to be. Though working retail for years on end usually affects people in such ways I suppose.
Fuck it, the day is over and the battle is won ... time to kick back. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 2nd, 2005|07:51 pm] |
The last one is a sometimes hit ... sometimes miss ... but, the rest is pretty nice and flattering. |
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| Update ... |
[Feb. 25th, 2005|04:23 pm] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Story of the Year - Anthem of our Dying Day | ] |
I still have no fucking clue where I'm going. Not that I'm bothered in my "content" little life of worth drudged by consistent mediocrities of failure and indecisiveness.
Doug has offered me the job of Seasonal manager (yet again) with such benefits that would come from such title (dental plan ... I actually am in need of one ... and no, Lisa doesn't need braces). I steadfastly refused (temporarily) and basically put off the decision for another year. Working at the same place for 5 years, I've built a sort of a sense of duty to that wretched job ... thus I would feel guilty to take the job, receive the benefits, only to decide a few months down the line that's not what I want to do anymore, which is wholly possible.
I've decided I am indeed, not a writing connoseur of sorts. The self indulgence in my own writing in the past has all but evaporated. I've discovered the writing that filled me with narcissistic pride is conceited and very much pretentious. It applies nothing to the real world and can only further my hatred for the world that cannot mother my more-than-emo instincts. Disappointing would be an understatement to say the least when I can't look upon my favourite past-time with the same convictions that drove me to create, what I thought at the time, to be my backbone. Nothing lasts forever is what it comes down to I suppose.
On a positive note, I have gone back to my roots and started doodling stickman comics again (at work no less). It's called "The Real Life Adventures of Winky and Mr. Think." Mr. Think is a prude character who's sick of his blue collar job at a certain hardware store, thus he creates an alter ego for himself (Ronaman) to jazz up his working life. Winky is a ditz who's going through an existential crisis because she has no face (my stickmen don't have faces). It'll be kinda obvious to some where I got this idea from.
I need to get back in touch with friends of old ... I'm slowly losing them in my life of inactivity. |
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| Cousteau has nothing on Zissou |
[Jan. 17th, 2005|01:02 pm] |
Life Aquatic ... highly recommended. If you haven't read the synopsis, it's about a Jacques Cousteau'ish crew led by Steve Zissou to find and kill a rare shark that ate Steve's long time best friend.
This movie is definitely not to be taken seriously as the director intended for every adventure to be outlandishly outrageous ... the gun fights, the dialogue, the 70's stop-and-go animation and even the fictionary creatures are all constant reminders of how absurd the journey to find the elusive "jaguar shark" really is.
Not to give too much away about the movie, Bill Murray plays a great egotistical oceanographer trying to regain the glory days of what deep-sea documentaries used to be. He was an arrogant character throughout the entire movie ... but only at the end was he able to admit to the fact and be comfortable with it which in turn, makes him a more believable and lovable entity.
Was never a fan of Owen Wilson, but he played a superb boy-ish, estranged son of Zissou who wanted only to be like him. He has that charm of a 10-year old that was never accurately portrayed in other movies he partook in except this one. Was really pleased with his character (Ned).
Everyone else in the cast was awesome too but I won't go into detail. I've read some bad reviews from critics who kept comparing this movie to other works of Wes Anderson (ie Rushmore, Tenenbaums) but don't listen to them. I loved every second of it and gonna go see it again =). |
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| Note To Self |
[Jan. 17th, 2005|10:25 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  tired | ] |
*Mental Note*
If you're going to tell someone you love them, don't start your next sentence with "but". |
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| Bi-Polar with a mental sidearm |
[Jan. 9th, 2005|01:29 pm] |
"I'm sick and I'm twisted, I'm broke and you can't fix it."
I'm a bit reassured that I'm not the only one feeling a bit bi-polar lately. Life is seperated by being AT work and being OFF work and each life seems drasticly different than the next.
Far to the north I live a happy and contented mellow life of good friends and video games. I'm not disappointed by the fact that it is the only thing I do in my off time, nor am I disappointed by the fact that I've been sitting single for over a year. I'm actually quite satiated at home with all the free time I have to spend as I please without someone to hold me down with obligation.
Far to the south, however, I live a dreadful life of that obligation I aim to dismiss in the north. It's a different kind of obligation, but one that serves far less purpose than the one of partnership. Life in the south is essential to my life to the north ... and that really bothers me.
Everything I find wrong and unsatisfied with in my life seems to be amplified at work as I am filled with such discontent that my mind start to wonder dismal and bleak possibilities. Loneliness definitely takes over as the fact that I've been single for so long is made crystal clear and furthers my discontent. My lack of education also comes into focus as I am torn about the idea of furthering my studies beyond high schooling. Nothing is certain and I end up hating myself for it.
This only happens at work so I'm not sure if that means finding another job would solve my problems. Nor am I sure if going to college would make me content either since I hear so many stories of how students wish they had more free time.
I want time to myself ... I enjoy it far too much to give that up. But I do wish from night to night that I had someone to lull me to sleep, or massage my scalp and whisper that they "would never leave" no matter how pretentious their words are.
I'm typing this on my lunchbreak ... and when I come home tonight, I'll probably sing a different tune ... but as of this moment, I want to shout and cry out.
Taking a friend's advice, I WILL end this post on a happy note however ... I LOVE winter. Loving the fact that I can dress in all black again and my toque makes me look very snappy. I'm a cute mofo right now. |
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